Selfishness that Lead to Empathy

A story about escaping the right-wing pipeline and how Keith Haring helped me

The most embarrassing part of my life may perhaps be the phase of my early political interest that led me to believe conservative views. Being online a lot can lead some young people down a dangerous pathway through YouTube suggestion videos that can cause them to believe in right-wing ideology. Couple that with a real-world environment that does not actively shut down those beliefs, and it can allow many to go unchecked while believing hateful things. The “right-wing pipeline,” as some have called it, can have an entirely separate post about it, but for now, I can tell you about how I moved away from those beliefs.

The glorification of Ronald Reagan is all too prevalent in the United States, particularly on the right. However, I have come in contact with a lot of casual left-leaning people who also have a favorable view of him. The casual appreciation of him likely stems from the fact that he was a good communicator. His abominable policies were overshadowed by the fact that he could make you laugh and charm most Americans. For someone who was following conservatives online, this Ronald Reagan love was also instilled in me. Unquestioningly so, I would name him as my favorite President. There was no reason for my ignorant self not to like him. I never lived during his Presidency, but a few videos of his “quips” made me a fan. Embarrassing, I know, but that’s just how it was, and I have to acknowledge it.

For those who know me or have read my past posts, you will know that I am a gay man. This is where the dilemma lies for my past self. You may see the obvious conflict that exists between being gay and liking Ronald Reagan. It was not so obvious to me. Unfortunately, at the time of these beliefs, I was in the closet. I knew I wasn’t straight, but I did not acknowledge it. After a while, though, it just became something that was so obvious to me that I had to start to embrace it. It would not go away, and I wasn’t going to live my life without being fully myself. I think my first move towards acceptance of myself was when I discovered Keith Haring’s art. For those who don’t know, Haring was a prominent gay artist during the 1980s. He has such a distinct style and uses it to comment on topics such as AIDS, poverty, war, etc. He eventually passed away from AIDS in 1990.

My first exposure came from his more generic, popularized works that you see on many t-shirts and hats now. These stick figures and other iconography did not attach much inherent meaning to them. I purchased a few sweatshirts with his art on them, and it felt like my first way of signaling to people in my life that I might be queer. Looking back on it, my mind was so confused at that point in my life. Simultaneously, following political figures that held beliefs that would hurt me and others in the LGBTQ+ community.

There was finally a day when I took a deeper dive into Keith Haring and the AIDS epidemic. This was what broke me away from the beliefs I had been instilled with. How could I like Ronald Reagan and other talking heads who adore him if his policies directly led to thousands of deaths in the community that I believe I am a part of, including Haring?

Eventually, I came out using Keith Haring’s “National Coming Out Day” art. Then, after pushing to allow seniors to have personalized parking spots, had one of my closest friends (an amazing artist) paint my space with one of Haring’s works.

I am so thankful for Haring’s existence. I think it speaks to the importance of art altogether and its oftentimes infinite lifespan. He helped me break away from a set of beliefs that I now find embarrassing and disgusting in ever believing.

However, I sometimes think of some alternate reality where I am not gay. The reality where I am a straight white man who also fell down the trap of the right-wing pipeline. Would I have escaped? Would I have gained the empathy that I eventually found from questioning my ignorant thoughts? I would not be writing a post like that where I confront my past beliefs.

It makes me melancholy. It is difficult to acknowledge that without the selfishness of not wanting my community to be hurt, I may not have gained the empathy to support other groups at risk. Being in a privileged group is blinding, and as humans, we are naturally selfish beings. So many politicians don’t give a shit about what happens to you until it impacts them. And that same logic applies to me. It is something that I have to acknowledge and confront. It also puts pressure on me to ensure that I am not still blinding myself to issues that don’t directly affect me.

Ignorance equals fear, and silence equals death. Being ignorant drives us to be fearful of the things we don’t understand. And being quiet allows for ignorance to succeed. Overcoming this takes a lot of work on everyone’s part, and it is certainly not something I have fulfilled myself.

I feel guilty for my past beliefs, but it just makes me want to know more so I don’t make those same mistakes. It is not worth it to sit and mope about what I used to be like when I could be actively trying to fix it. That is what I hope to continue to do throughout my life. It is on me to make up for people I may have hurt through my ignorance.

Thank you for reading,

Seth